I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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