The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
