Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize