So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
