She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
