Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
