First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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