Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
These tits shall not be calmed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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