you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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