she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
