Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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