it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
