she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she peed on how many people?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
