i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
