I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
