You were right. It hurts to walk today.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
