Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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