My underwear smells like fireworks.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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