So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
