The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
