On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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