Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
