Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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