You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize