I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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