I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
