i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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