My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
