he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
