I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
