as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
