I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize