dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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