i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
