I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
