I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize