You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
