In the future we'll all be gay
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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