Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
