I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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