I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
