I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize