Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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