Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
