I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
