he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they call him Oral-B. enough said
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
