i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
