hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
