You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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