Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
