I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
