Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
