I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
