; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
