Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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