He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
