Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
