someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
