why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
