No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
