Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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