i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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