i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
