no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
