i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
