if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize