Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
