My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize