There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
