I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
