So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
