I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
