There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
