Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
