i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
