OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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