All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
