sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
