I think I am morally bankrupt
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
