I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
