just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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