Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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