Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
