she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
