It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
