and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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