He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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