Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
