Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
