yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
