Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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