I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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