i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
