I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
