you guys were way drunker than both of me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
