I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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