No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
