Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We left an ass print on the piano.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
