Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
