I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
