listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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